Don't Suffer Unnecessarily from Sales Fever this January

Have you the dreaded fever brought on by the retail industry's need to de-clutter their space at your expense so they can fill it wholesale with more impulse and speculative buys for the Summer we never have?


Take this test to find out if you are suffering from this contagious seasonal illness:

1. Have you been thinking about that gorgeous jumper for the last 4 months, that you would have bought in a heart-beat had you had the full retail asking price?

Yes/No

2. Have you checked whether it's still available in your size, 12 times a day for the last month, just in case they're all sold out?

Yes/No

3. Did you put away every spare penny/cent instead of going out or buying anything over basic food stuffs turning the heat on in the morning?

Yes/No

4. Do you mind that hundreds of people have tried on that jumper leaving make-up marks, pulled threads, deodorant stains on it or that someone bought it wore it for  night out and returned it because of the stores 'great' return policy (or their mother owns the boutique)?

Yes/No



Answers below

Yes

1. You are obsessed so you probably already own it, in which case you have had the pleasure and comfort of wearing your jumper for months

2. You are obsessed so you probably already own it, in which case you have had the pleasure and comfort of wearing your jumper for months

3 You are obsessed so you probably already own it, in which case you have had the pleasure and comfort of wearing your jumper for months

4. You are obsessed so you probably already own it, in which case you have had the pleasure and comfort of wearing your jumper for months

Your behaviour may look mad to most but you are fever free and you always look fabulous

No

1. Then you never really wanted/needed it

2. You won't diet into it or prefer the baggy look, your average size will be gone to all the VIP customers who have first dibs on sale stock

3. If you do buy it now it will be in a consignment/charity shop by March, value is what we put on something we'd go to the ends of the Earth for

4. Try shopping in consignment/charity shops in March, people are always buying too much in the sales

Step away from the word 'sale' it will only re-infect you

Half-baked Halbwelt Kultur

Half-baked Halbwelt Kultur

 Otto Dix's portrait of Anita Berber 

(Currently turning in her grave) 

Last night I went to see Halwelt Kultur at the Jermyn Theatre. I went with great expectations and came home with them shredded.

Trite, and lukewarm amdram to the choirgirl end, it would have been passable as a sixth form end of year show. A cheap (OK, not so so cheap £20 if you want to pay with a card) dull history lesson that failed to scratch the surface of Berlin's Weimar. The (non)action was supposedly staged in chronological order, how strange therefore that Rosa Luxemburg was stuck after Berber in the 1920s (she was murdered Jan 1919). Let's not get started with the cliched faux lesbian titillation...

Clean and neat, the all-female cast members were poorly directed, perhaps there was no direction at all. Singing as prettily as possible was never the point at a Weimar cabaret, charming though some of them were, the original 'Berlinerin' would have spat them out after eating them for breakfast.

Blandly staged conjuring zero atmosphere, the only danger came from needing to go to loo in the middle of the show since the exit was next to the stage. Neither German realism or Neue Sachlichkeit touched the stage or cast, generally debauched as a saucy sketch show at Butlins. If you want a history lesson there are livelier books.

Take a Dr. NO Break

Something to Ruin You ;-) XXX

(Photo credit and shop unknown, if YOU know I would love to be informed Dr.NO)

Hermes for Free?

FESTIVAL DES METIERS 

Photo: Hermes Catwalk A/W2007

The impossible is going to be happening at the end of May. There might not be such a thing as a free lunch but at the end of May you can experience the craft of Hermes - FOR FREE.

Hermes craftspeople will be showing off their knowledge and skills and answering questions.

Anyone who went to Hermes LEATHER FOREVER exhibition will tell you how fascinating it was to watch, up close, the making and hand-finishing of such classic Hermes bags such as the Kelly or the Constance.

When?

21 to 27 May 

10:00-18:00 Daily

Where?

SAATCHI GALLERY

Duke of Yorks HQ

King's Road,

London SW34RY

How much?

Admission Free 

See you there!

Wear Something Surreal

Be your own special creation this week and wear something 

Surreal 

Hermes horse-bit worn as a belt buckle with an Hermes Quintessence scarf and 1960s embroidered tunic

Picture - Dr. NO NEWS

Hands-Up Hermes A/W 13

I love Hermes, but I'm just throwing this open for debate: 

How many think that crocodile skirt is on backwards? 

Free Art and Art for Free?

Part of the 'Don't Ignore the Issue' Series 

Free Thoughts on the Matter

1. Books, art and music have been virtually free for generations, all one had to do is go to the library, museum or switch on the wireless. All this 'topical' talk over whether music/books/film/art should be free is an ongoing debate between artists that already have the means and those that would like to pay their (exorbitant) rent for their slum cell but can't afford to.

 2. Food and housing and silk scarves should be free but since they're not and musicians/artists have to pay for them like everyone else, so...

3. The cultural and media industries as a business made billions for their selves using a handful of highly visible artists.Very few artists have ever made a living from their work. Why should the majority suffer for the fake lives of the few?

4. Artists may take an outside point of view of society but they are not outside of it, they are part of it.  Unless everyone does their job and then gets paid according to how pleased their 'customer' is why should artists.

5. When people value things, they pay for them, when things are valuable, they look after them. How many Banksy rats and other paintings were scrubbed-off or covered over before they were worth a fortune?  Now councils, auction houses and private owners fight over them.

6.  Paying only as a donation is paying someone's wages as a 'tip' or gratuity. Basic living, minimum wage first.  Many professions use tips to signify customer appreciation.  Tips should be an optional extra (and go straight to the worker who earned the tip).

7. Historically, there has always been been a division between artist workers and keen amateur.  The amateurs should not be allowed to set the agenda for those who need to work for their living.

8. People have always paid accordingly. Buskers and street performers put their hat outside of busy places like theatres for people to throw coins. Inside theatres, people have paid up-front for something they have traveled miles to see in particular.

9. Artists and writers that do free art, do art that is free. Favours and internships aside (for now) it's just so much clearer to know where one stands from the start.

10 Let's get priorities straight, live for free and pay for art!

NB: This article has been written by me and published on my blog for the purpose of giving to you for free. However, if you publish it elsewhere without my permission or acknowledgment, I may be mortally offended and may well sue your ass off